Things that happen

 

Things that happen

Yesterday morning I woke up as always and went straight to the kitchen to have breakfast. When I got there I realized i didn´t have bread, not sandwich bread nor frozen bread, nor anything, so I put on a “Belen Esteban” type of trackie, an “Isabel Pantoja” type of sunglasses and a “Paquirrin” type of hat and I went to the Dia supermarket just outside home. I entered without being recognized and bought the largest piece of bread I could find. I was ready to pay when a hooded man with a gun in his hand shouting to the cashier to give him all the money. I got very angry and I told him this wasn´t the time to be robbing shops because it was so early there wasn´t hardly any money and, besides, I was in a hurry. I gesticulated so much that I hit him in the face with the bread. The man takes issues with that and charges at me while shooting like a madman, so I shelter behind de bread and it becomes a bullet sandwich. I hide behind the shopping carts in order to flee discreetly when the cops arrive and shout: raise your hands! I get confuse and raise the bread and in doing so all the bullets inside drop. The cops say I´m an accomplice and take us both to jail. The robber rejects me and says that he wouldn´t choose a hideous and clumsy person like me to commit a robbery, which offens me but also sets me free. I got out the police department and I walk towards a police car to take me home. The officer refuses saying he just washed the car and I was gonna get it dirty with crumbs. It´s then I realize I´m still holding the bread and there is no way to drop it because the shock got my hand stiff. I call a taxi to take me home even though I have no money to pay. The poor driver looks at me carefully, tryiing to figure out if I am dangerous and finally says he has work to do near my house and he would drop me where he sees convinient. He saw convinient to drop me three kilometers from my house and I had to walk through all of Málaga. When I arrived home, I started crying, but not from the shock of the robbery, nor the tiredness, but because I left the milk boiling and now the pot was burnt and the ceramic stove was a total mess.

P.D. I have been eating nothing but bread for a week because my hand´s still stiff.